Rainn Wilson ate my porkchop. I put it on a plate and turned around to get something from the cabinet and when I turned back it was gone, plate and all. The alarm went off when I was in the midst of pulling plates out of the cabinet and smashing them on the floor in frustration.
I've noticed nothing changes. My dreams all end in frustration. My waking life is all about anxiety and procrastination. Pitiful.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Back to the blog
Deepak Chopra writes that worrying is learned, so it can be unlearned. He understands that worriers think they are being vigilant and protecting themselves and those around them. But, he says, it pushes people away. I know that I couldn't stand having a conversation with my mother because it always contained dire warnings and grave expectations. This is something I wish I'd had the opportunity to quote to her: You aren't improving anyone else's life by worrying about them. To improve their lives, be supportive and appreciative. I once asked her why she was so unsupportive and she asked me what support was. I was aghast and didn't know how to answer.
So I'm worrying about my life and my health and my future. I have an opportunity to be a multimedia journalist and I'm afraid that I'm going to screw it up, so I'm having a lot of trouble starting. What better way to screw up a new job than not to do it. Ok, I started. Don't know what I'm doing but I'm really hoping to figure it out and get better at it.
Health: Diabetes! Who'da thought. The only disease I haven't been afraid of bit me right in the belly. If it hadn't been for my summer ice cream binge I might never have been pushed over the top to where I had to take myself into to doc's for testing. God forbid one of my high glucose blood tests in the last few years would have inspired the MDs to tell me I needed to watch my diet or be on medication. WTF is with these people nowadays? Do you feel like your doc knows who you are or cares about your health. I got yelled for bringing too many questions to what is limited to a 15 minute visit. And I'm on a PPO!!!! Anyway, now I'm a vigilant eater and continually watching the clock for mealtimes and counting allowable snacks. Anyone for celery and salsa?
My future: well I'm a middle aged unemployed woman with just a few marketable skills, up from none. I did spend the last year taking college and professional classes. I don't know how I did it. Since classes ended for the summer all I've wanted to do is sleep and watch tv. Where do the rest of you get your high energy and ambition? I rarely get bored just sitting at home. Probably a function of being laid up a few times for months at a time. I've become a professional patient.
Well, unknown readers, I'm gearing up to make this blog a regular activity. A writer must write.
So I'm worrying about my life and my health and my future. I have an opportunity to be a multimedia journalist and I'm afraid that I'm going to screw it up, so I'm having a lot of trouble starting. What better way to screw up a new job than not to do it. Ok, I started. Don't know what I'm doing but I'm really hoping to figure it out and get better at it.
Health: Diabetes! Who'da thought. The only disease I haven't been afraid of bit me right in the belly. If it hadn't been for my summer ice cream binge I might never have been pushed over the top to where I had to take myself into to doc's for testing. God forbid one of my high glucose blood tests in the last few years would have inspired the MDs to tell me I needed to watch my diet or be on medication. WTF is with these people nowadays? Do you feel like your doc knows who you are or cares about your health. I got yelled for bringing too many questions to what is limited to a 15 minute visit. And I'm on a PPO!!!! Anyway, now I'm a vigilant eater and continually watching the clock for mealtimes and counting allowable snacks. Anyone for celery and salsa?
My future: well I'm a middle aged unemployed woman with just a few marketable skills, up from none. I did spend the last year taking college and professional classes. I don't know how I did it. Since classes ended for the summer all I've wanted to do is sleep and watch tv. Where do the rest of you get your high energy and ambition? I rarely get bored just sitting at home. Probably a function of being laid up a few times for months at a time. I've become a professional patient.
Well, unknown readers, I'm gearing up to make this blog a regular activity. A writer must write.
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