It is astonishing how long I can stay in bed when there's something I'm afraid to do looming in front of me. I have two school projects that are scaring me. I have only the vaguest notion of how I'm going to accomplish them though I did have a brainstorm about combining them. I woke about 9:30, still a little tired since I went to bed around 3. So I lay down for a little more sleep or rest. I didn't count on falling back down into delta. What dreams: lost in the university's lower lever halls, lugging a crate of books up a mountain trail to the discard pile and bringing them down again, smoking in the newsroom and breaking other rules. All the while surrounded by well dressed professional people who knew what was going on while I didn't.
It's now 2:40. Immediately after flinging open the curtains I turned around and slammed my toes into an unused exercise machine. Nice. Now I have two damaged feet, the one that's been treated for the last six months and the other one now with possibly a couple of broken toes. I'm used to the fractures. My bones have been breaking since teenage. I say they're made of sugar candy. Really they're more like pretzel sticks or twigs. Anyway, my bones break easily. (Puleez don't try to give me advice about drugs and diet. I know all about it.) But I'm so sick of not being able to walk. My legs are so weak I can barely go half a mile. What if I had to run for my life?
So no Geffen for me tonight. Work, work, work and laundry. That show has closed three times already without my getting to see it. I thought unemployment would mean free time, but I chose to punish myself instead. My fellow deadbeats are having gourmet lunches and taking out of town jaunts. And I'm slogging through adult college like running in dreams, with legs of stone.
I gotta go ice my toes while the coffee's brewing.
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